Man, I don't even know.
Little Superstar on Transbuddha
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Drunken Man Bites Panda
BEIJING - AP - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock."
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock."
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Best Flavor Flav Quote
"I want a girl who looks good when she wakes up in the morning. We could take her face and dip it in dough and she'll make some nice-face cookies. Some girls wake up, man, you could put their face in dough and you'll get a gorilla cookie, for real! . . ."
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Unibrow of the Month
More like crazy, maniacal unibrow of the month. I think this guy missed the memo that joining a wizard/sorcerer cult is not cool anymore.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Picture Me Rollin'
Start your summer in style with this ultra-hip sandal from Reef. It’s like Beach Bum meets Pimp meets Burberry meets Slacker meets Thug, what more could you ask for out of a simple flip-flop. Get yours today, son.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
ID4
As mentioned in previous Groderz lore, one way we can tell whether or not we agree with your taste in movies is by your assessment of the crap-fest Face/Off. If you liked that movie, we don't want you here.
Another, converse method is via your assessment of Independence Day.
If I was a Hollywood producer, and you were pitching me a movie, you could say "Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith smoke cigars together near the end." At that point, I wouldn't care if it was a docu-drama or a comedy or a horror film, I'd already be interested. If you told me that after they smoked the cigars, they launched a nuke right into the heart of the alien mother ship, I'd be totally stoked. If you then told me that all of this happened immediately after a scene where Randy Quaid, playing the same character he plays in the Vacation movies, drove a kamikaze fighter jet right into the main weapons systems of one of the alien battleships, I'd be on the phone to the Academy. The only thing left for me to add would be, "Make sure either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman is in it." Making one of them play the President of the U.S. would just be unexpected icing on the cake.
Every time I mention ID4, someone wants to talk about how unrealistic the "virus" thing was. Whatever. If you can't suspend a little disbelief in the realm of computer science, you have no business commenting on modern cinema. ID4 is a wholly underrated marvel of filmmaking. In true Return of the Jedi fashion, they staged simulatneous multiple final battles on multiple scales, a feat that is remarkably difficult for a screenwriter to pull off. If you aren't on the edge of your seat in true, old-school, big-budget, action-flick apprectiation by the end of that movie, you just aren't a movie buff.
I first saw ID4 at midnight on July 4th, 1996. I thought it was one of the greatest movies ever. Yeah, it's got some cheesey-as-hell stuff in it, but even to this day I think it is a great movie.
Another, converse method is via your assessment of Independence Day.
If I was a Hollywood producer, and you were pitching me a movie, you could say "Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith smoke cigars together near the end." At that point, I wouldn't care if it was a docu-drama or a comedy or a horror film, I'd already be interested. If you told me that after they smoked the cigars, they launched a nuke right into the heart of the alien mother ship, I'd be totally stoked. If you then told me that all of this happened immediately after a scene where Randy Quaid, playing the same character he plays in the Vacation movies, drove a kamikaze fighter jet right into the main weapons systems of one of the alien battleships, I'd be on the phone to the Academy. The only thing left for me to add would be, "Make sure either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman is in it." Making one of them play the President of the U.S. would just be unexpected icing on the cake.
Every time I mention ID4, someone wants to talk about how unrealistic the "virus" thing was. Whatever. If you can't suspend a little disbelief in the realm of computer science, you have no business commenting on modern cinema. ID4 is a wholly underrated marvel of filmmaking. In true Return of the Jedi fashion, they staged simulatneous multiple final battles on multiple scales, a feat that is remarkably difficult for a screenwriter to pull off. If you aren't on the edge of your seat in true, old-school, big-budget, action-flick apprectiation by the end of that movie, you just aren't a movie buff.
I first saw ID4 at midnight on July 4th, 1996. I thought it was one of the greatest movies ever. Yeah, it's got some cheesey-as-hell stuff in it, but even to this day I think it is a great movie.
Fiery Habanero
Here at Groderz, we like to keep our fans up to date on the latest Doritos buzz. I don't know why, it just kind of turned out that way.
Anyway, I recently bought a bag of their latest: Fiery Habanero. They purposefully left off the tilde ('~') in habanero, which is a bad omen from the start, but I bought a bag nevertheless.
Fiery Habanero is for-real spicy, not fake-nasty-spicy like Ranchero, so at least they got that going for them. But in the end, I threw away half of the bag and went and bought some Black Pepper Jack. The Habanero just weren't all that good. I feel pretty bad, considering that Doritos are ridiculously expensive.
Anyway, I recently bought a bag of their latest: Fiery Habanero. They purposefully left off the tilde ('~') in habanero, which is a bad omen from the start, but I bought a bag nevertheless.
Fiery Habanero is for-real spicy, not fake-nasty-spicy like Ranchero, so at least they got that going for them. But in the end, I threw away half of the bag and went and bought some Black Pepper Jack. The Habanero just weren't all that good. I feel pretty bad, considering that Doritos are ridiculously expensive.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
CRUISE ATTACKS PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS AGAIN
Tom Cruise is up to his usual antics. In the most recent issue of GQ he tells the magazine, "I've always found the 'if it makes me feel better, it's OK' rationale a little suspect. "I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs." In the interview, the actor claims he can get someone off heroin in three days through Scientology's detox programs.
Tom is an enigma and not as easy of a celebrity target as say George Clooney or Ben Affleck, they are both no-talent ass clowns and need to be sent to China or Cuba. Tom is on a different level. But even so I think three days to get someone off heroin is a stretch.
This article helps explain why even with drastic, radical treatment heroin is still a tough addiction to break.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/drugs/Story/0,,1561403,00.html
Maybe in Tom’s next movie he can star as a drug rehab counselor who cures people of heroin addiction in three days and then goes on to wins critical accolades for his performance and finally gets an Oscar.
Or maybe not, those types of movies don’t have explosions.
Tom is an enigma and not as easy of a celebrity target as say George Clooney or Ben Affleck, they are both no-talent ass clowns and need to be sent to China or Cuba. Tom is on a different level. But even so I think three days to get someone off heroin is a stretch.
This article helps explain why even with drastic, radical treatment heroin is still a tough addiction to break.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/drugs/Story/0,,1561403,00.html
Maybe in Tom’s next movie he can star as a drug rehab counselor who cures people of heroin addiction in three days and then goes on to wins critical accolades for his performance and finally gets an Oscar.
Or maybe not, those types of movies don’t have explosions.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Funny Nintendo Videos
These are pretty funny and/or lame depending on how you look at it.
Nintendo 64 Screaming Kid
Gay Mario Commercial
Very Gay Power Glove Commercial
Nintendo 64 Screaming Kid
Gay Mario Commercial
Very Gay Power Glove Commercial
Monday, March 27, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Interesting Groder Definition
Brandon Bilinski still has the best groder definition. The guy who wrote this one below is kind of a tool and ass clown himself, but does make some good points...
12/4/2003: Groders from http://www.angelfire.com/theforce/flakeisajedi/
Groders piss me off to no end. What exactly is a groder you ask? The term groder is the combination of the two words 'gross' and 'odor' to form 'groder.' I constantly have to deal with these idiots on the roads, in the workplace, and at my places of leisure. What exactly is a groder in layman's terms? Well there are several warning signs under several categories of personal preference that you may be a groder.
Your Car: This isn't just what kind of car you drive but also the manner in which you drive. Do you drive a Buttstang (buttstang: Webster defines buttstang as a Ford Mustang produced after 1980.)? Do you think your buttstang is hot shit, even though it's not? Chances are, you're a groder. Do you street race often? Think it's cool? Ever consider the consequences?... didn't think so. Do you like to go 20 mph over the speed limit at all times? Do you believe in the saying, "If you can't find 'em, grind 'em?" Yeah, if you said yes to any of these questions, then more likely than not, YOU are a groder and a jackass.
Your Clothing: Wear clothing that barely stays on your body? Have a chain on your wallet? Are you 'all about' some Fubu, Tommy Hilfiger, etc? If your answer to any of this was a yes, then you, my friend, are a groder and an idiot. Try looking up a company that makes respectable clothes, like Harbor Bay or Allexander Lloyd, or hell even Puritan.
Music: Do you listen to Marylin Manson (I assume this is how this idiot spells his name), Kid Rock, any rap 'artist' (I use the term loosely here), other than to make fun of their shitty music, ICP, punk, NoFX (yeah they're their own category of shit far worse than other punk)? Think they're cool?
Want to dress, act, smell just like them? Guess what, pal? Not only do you suck insane amounts of ass, but you're also a groder. If you think you fit into the category of 'groder' then you probably do. Even if you don't think you're a groder there's 68% chance that in all actuality you are indeed a groder. Do us all a favor and kill yourself. The world would be a much cleaner, happier place if all groders would just commit suicide, or at least for me anyway.
12/4/2003: Groders from http://www.angelfire.com/theforce/flakeisajedi/
Groders piss me off to no end. What exactly is a groder you ask? The term groder is the combination of the two words 'gross' and 'odor' to form 'groder.' I constantly have to deal with these idiots on the roads, in the workplace, and at my places of leisure. What exactly is a groder in layman's terms? Well there are several warning signs under several categories of personal preference that you may be a groder.
Your Car: This isn't just what kind of car you drive but also the manner in which you drive. Do you drive a Buttstang (buttstang: Webster defines buttstang as a Ford Mustang produced after 1980.)? Do you think your buttstang is hot shit, even though it's not? Chances are, you're a groder. Do you street race often? Think it's cool? Ever consider the consequences?... didn't think so. Do you like to go 20 mph over the speed limit at all times? Do you believe in the saying, "If you can't find 'em, grind 'em?" Yeah, if you said yes to any of these questions, then more likely than not, YOU are a groder and a jackass.
Your Clothing: Wear clothing that barely stays on your body? Have a chain on your wallet? Are you 'all about' some Fubu, Tommy Hilfiger, etc? If your answer to any of this was a yes, then you, my friend, are a groder and an idiot. Try looking up a company that makes respectable clothes, like Harbor Bay or Allexander Lloyd, or hell even Puritan.
Music: Do you listen to Marylin Manson (I assume this is how this idiot spells his name), Kid Rock, any rap 'artist' (I use the term loosely here), other than to make fun of their shitty music, ICP, punk, NoFX (yeah they're their own category of shit far worse than other punk)? Think they're cool?
Want to dress, act, smell just like them? Guess what, pal? Not only do you suck insane amounts of ass, but you're also a groder. If you think you fit into the category of 'groder' then you probably do. Even if you don't think you're a groder there's 68% chance that in all actuality you are indeed a groder. Do us all a favor and kill yourself. The world would be a much cleaner, happier place if all groders would just commit suicide, or at least for me anyway.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Man severs own penis, throws it at officers
March 17, 2006
BY ERIC HERMAN Staff Reporter
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
BY ERIC HERMAN Staff Reporter
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
Monday, March 13, 2006
It is Not a Biometric ID
Normally we keep serious political and social commentary out of Groderz. But this just bugs me.
Everyone has a signature bar on the back of their credit card. You're supposed to sign it as soon as you receive the card, to authorize it for use as payment.
Many retailers have begun using this signature as a way of checking that you are the owner of the card. They compare the signature on the card to the the receipt you just signed (or pretend to) in order to verify that you are both the card signer and the receipt signer.
In this age of identity theft, some consumers don't feel that is enough. They feel picture ID is necessary, not just a signature comparison. So instead of signing their card, they write "CHECK ID" on the signature bar. The idea is that your driver's license has both your signature and your picture on it, which is even better.
But a lot of retailers don't accept this. Every day someone wants to tell me another story about the "stupid" checkout clerk at Wherever's Department Store that wouldn't accept their card because it wasn't signed. They beam from their high horse about their superior intelligence, and how the world is going to hell because stupid clerks aren't reasonable enough to understand the increased security of a picture ID and to look there for the signature.
Well, here's the deal: If your card isn't signed, it isn't authorized to be used as payment. That's why it says "authorized signature." An unsigned card is an unauthorized card. The primary intent of signing a card is not to put a biometric identifier on it (though it is that as well), the intent of signing a card is to legally state that, "yes, I authorize and accept responsibility for this card, along with a simlarly signed reciept, to pay for things against my good name." So if I were a stupid retail clerk, I wouldn't accept your unsigned card, either. Get over yourself.
Sorry for the whiny rant.
Everyone has a signature bar on the back of their credit card. You're supposed to sign it as soon as you receive the card, to authorize it for use as payment.
Many retailers have begun using this signature as a way of checking that you are the owner of the card. They compare the signature on the card to the the receipt you just signed (or pretend to) in order to verify that you are both the card signer and the receipt signer.
In this age of identity theft, some consumers don't feel that is enough. They feel picture ID is necessary, not just a signature comparison. So instead of signing their card, they write "CHECK ID" on the signature bar. The idea is that your driver's license has both your signature and your picture on it, which is even better.
But a lot of retailers don't accept this. Every day someone wants to tell me another story about the "stupid" checkout clerk at Wherever's Department Store that wouldn't accept their card because it wasn't signed. They beam from their high horse about their superior intelligence, and how the world is going to hell because stupid clerks aren't reasonable enough to understand the increased security of a picture ID and to look there for the signature.
Well, here's the deal: If your card isn't signed, it isn't authorized to be used as payment. That's why it says "authorized signature." An unsigned card is an unauthorized card. The primary intent of signing a card is not to put a biometric identifier on it (though it is that as well), the intent of signing a card is to legally state that, "yes, I authorize and accept responsibility for this card, along with a simlarly signed reciept, to pay for things against my good name." So if I were a stupid retail clerk, I wouldn't accept your unsigned card, either. Get over yourself.
Sorry for the whiny rant.
Friday, March 03, 2006
World of Offline Gaming
This video is kind of long but very funny. It basically shows what would happen if the hardcore MMORPG geeks acted the way they do online in real life. Ninja looting, Leeroy Jenkins and other madcap antics are included. Thanks to Deadpan-Entertainment.com.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Our Ol' Buddy Mullet Man
Back in March of 2005 you will remember we posted a picture of Time Mullet Guy. He has been around a while, but is still a good friend of Groderz. We like to see him doing well.
Enjoy.
Mullet Man: Space Traveler
Mullet Watch
Break Your Self
Mohawk Man
This one doesn't even make sense
Ok, this one is only funny if you watch the whole thing and wait for Link to play his song.
Safety Not Guaranteed!
Enjoy.
Mullet Man: Space Traveler
Mullet Watch
Break Your Self
Mohawk Man
This one doesn't even make sense
Ok, this one is only funny if you watch the whole thing and wait for Link to play his song.
Safety Not Guaranteed!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Fresh from the blogosphere
Is this for realz? This is cut and paste directly from February's issue of Sky, Delta's in-flight magazine. It's flash cards for children, I guess. Anyway, I like the juxtaposition of vocabulary. Notice anything?
UPDATE: The photo has been removed from the Web version! I grabbed a copy of the actual magazine on my way to San Jose.
UPDATE: The photo has been removed from the Web version! I grabbed a copy of the actual magazine on my way to San Jose.
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