My New Life

After much thought and consideration I have decided to outsource my job to India. Why should I have to work like a chump when I can pay someone in India to do it for me? Thousands of jobs are outsourced every year and what happens to those people? They get fired! What I’m talking about is a radical departure form conventional thinking. Don’t let some faceless corporation reap all the benefits of outsourcing your job, do it yourself.

Jumari Patel, a bright and ambitious 12 year-old boy from Mumbai, will take over my job duties starting mid-February. I first met Jumari in a Battlestar Galactica chat room last year and we have been friends ever since. He’s a nice kid and his mom even thinks I’m a positive role model. We haven’t exactly ironed out all the details yet but I think I’m going to pay him about $4 an hour; this deal is good for two reasons:

(1) He lives in India so that’s like $60 an hour here
(2) It leaves plenty of money in my pocket and gives me tons of spare time so I can:

(a) Watch more TV
(b) Play more video games
(c) Go trolling through Babylon 5 chat rooms
(d) Update Groderz more often


Some people will say this idea is stupid, but I say they can kiss my ass while I’m sleeping in until noon and watching reruns of Elimiadate and Walker, Texas Ranger everyday.