Every once in a while a movie, such as Faceoff, will suck so hard that all other crappy movies will cease to suck. Don’t see Faceoff, ever. If you haven’t seen it and want to know what it’s like, imagine some fat guy with diarrhea so violent and explosive that chunks of the diarrhea splashes back up on his leg and then drips back down into the toilet, so for a few moments he has little diarrhea stalactites stuck to his leg. That’s what Faceoff is like, diarrhea stalactites stuck to some fat guys leg. If you ever have the urge to rent this movie from Blockbuster do this instead. Give the $4.50 to some homeless guy and beat your head against a tree for the next two hours. Trust me, you will be much better off in the end. All other movies ever made are better than Faceoff. Period. Any loser, pimple-faced film student thinking of making some stupid indie film about his shitty hometown can rest assured that at least their movie, although it will suck, will not be as bad as Faceoff.
This is one of the horrible movies John Travolta starred in during his supposed comeback, if he was indeed in the comeback phase of his career it ended the day he agreed to star in Faceoff. Nicolas Cage, what a homo. He needs to ask his agent why he is such a complete failure and total asshole. I actually liked Cage before he became an ass-clown and disgraced all of mankind by starring in this worthless pile of garbage. I was surprised to learn that a person, not a Hollywood robot programmed to direct shitty movies, directed this film. John Woo happened to be the shit-monger they brought in to “direct” Faceoff. The name ‘Woo’ is obviously Chinese for “the chosen one who directs turd-scented movies”. It's no coincidence that Woo also directed Broken Arrow, the second worst movie ever, also starring the fat, mongoloid John Travolta. I can’t believe I have already wasted so much time and energy writing about this blackhole of a movie. I could try to mention something about the plot, but I’m not going to.
By the way, if a friend of yours ever tells you this movie is good, he just became your worst enemy.
2 comments:
I remember when Thrower said he could judge people basically by whether or not they were really into sports. I replied that I could judge people based on whether or not they liked Face/Off.
face off rules
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