Intendo

This is a pretty nice piece on the Nintendo 20th Anniversary from the folks over at www.1up.com.

link to 1up.com story

Also the top 15 NES games of all time. It's hard to disagree with such a badass selection of titles.

Top 15 NES Games

The Power of Technology

It’s not exactly breaking news that the internet is getting more advanced and sophisticated each and everyday. We all know that current technology is far more advanced than it was a generation ago. It’s baffling to think of all the things we can now do with computers that were thought impossible only a few years back.

Recently though, a group of researchers at Yale wrote a computer program that can actually read human thought.



The all-star team of scientists, led by Dr. Xia Huang, finished the project earlier this summer, on time and well under budget. This amazing accomplishment is achieved through a series of complex algorithms and equations, not to mention years of research. Other artificial intelligent products do exist on the market, but none are as advanced or powerful as the one developed by Dr. Huang and his team. Groderz was able to obtain a simplifed version of the program, making it the first blog with A.I. capabilities. Enter any basic question such as: “What am I thinking?” or “What is the name of my dog?” or “How old am I?” Prepare to be amazed!

Ask Groderz a Question:

This Sunday on Fox

Doritos.com, The Ultimate Online Experience

I was so busy yesterday doing absolutely nothing that I barely had enough time to check out the Frito-Lay website, luckily I did. First of all, who goes to these types of websites? Other than me and some fat, semi-retarded Babylon 5 geek, how big of a junk food slob do you have to be to start surfing the web trying to find out more information about your favorite snack. As if eating the food isn’t good enough. The following is the description of the Doritos section:

Turn up the volume of your snacking with the amped-up spices, high-decibel cheese, and the awesome crunch of Doritos brand tortilla chips. The bold flavors like Doritos Nacho Cheesier and Cooler Ranch are the loudest tasting snacks on earth.

I like Doritos as much as the next guy, but high-decibel cheese, amped-up spices, Oops, I think I just squirted in my pants, which may very well be one of the 23 different flavors of Doritos-type products I found on the site. Pants Squirt® flavored DORITOS™ Tortilla Snacks. After casually glancing over the site I noticed that placed discreetly off to the side was the link to the actual Doritos website, this I had to see. Beware: Not only will this site piss you off, it may also make you hate Doritos forever.

After an enormously huge amount of time already wasted, about 45 seconds, I clicked over to the Doritos chat room by mistake.



Realizing what I had just done, my head started to hurt and I immediately thought of the last chat room I accidentally went to.

The Memory of War is by far one of the most intriguing of Babylon 5 episodes. The nano virus and Chambers breakthrough are out of synch here, but this is not a fault of the show's creators so viewers should go easy on that one continuity error. This is the last of the produced episodes to feature Peter Woodward as Galen and it is the best of the episodes that features Peter Woodward as Galen as well.

We already know geeks need a place to chat online, so this is nothing new, but I had to make this visit to Doritos.com semi-productive. Fortunately, I found the full ingredients to Murphy’s now famous Ranchero skid-mark fiasco.



N2(g) + 3H2(g) ↔ 2NH3(g) + ΔH = Ass Explosion

Doritos needs to worry less about being extreme and hip and urban and in-your-face and worry more about making good snacks that we all used to love.

Don't Buy the New Doritos

Doritos normally get better and better with every new flavor. Nacho Cheese were pretty good. When Jay Leno hyped the new Cool Ranch, it was like a taste revolution. Of course, then they went all x-treme and made Nacho CheesIER and CoolER Ranch, which were, well, they definitely lived up to their respective "ER"s. The various incarnations of salsa flavors - Salsa Rio, Salsa Verde, Spicy Nacho, etc., have all been outstanding. And, more recently, Black Pepper Jack. Them mugs swing like there ain't no tomorrow. I can't wait for BlackER Pepper Jack.

Recently I came upon a new flavor - Ranchero. First of all, the bag is written in Spanish. Everywhere. English is a second language to Ranchero Doritos, which made me think "wow, they must be authentic Doritos." So I tore into them. I was prepared for another epic Dorito tear, leaving me feeling sick and dirty in a way that only a massive Dorito tear truly can.



The tear didn't last long. They were seriously nasty. They tasted like the inside of a dog's butt. Like someone peed in a bag and swore it was yummy. They were spicy, but not in a zesty way, more like in a powdery, salty kind of way. And they also tasted like fruit-flavored chemicals.

I checked the ingredients. Lime juice and paprika. That's the secret to Ranchero: lime juice and paprika. Maybe it's some cultural thing I missed, but it's nasty.

Weed Makes Brain Grow

Dude, like, whoa.

The herb makes brain cells grow. I wonder what the Brah would have to say about that.

Read on.

SideKicks was the best TV show ever

SideKicks was the best TV show ever created, I’m not talking about the ridiculously inane movie with Chuck Norris and that little girl, I’m talking about Ernie, The Last Electric Knight!



This show kicked so much ass that ABC was only able to air it from 1986-87, too many kids were killed trying to fight crime in their neighborhoods. The story of the show is simple. For some reason an aging Kung Fu Master named Sabasan decided to let Sgt. Jake Rizzo, a gruff, street-wise cop adopt his grandson, Ernie Lee. Ernie is "The Last Electric Knight”, the final member of an ancient clan dedicated to the martial arts, kicking ass and using magical powers on bad guys. The great thing about the show was that every episode had the exact same plot:

a) Cop/dad would get into some type of trouble with generic bad guys
b) He would tell Ernie to stay out of it, “It’s too dangerous!”
c) Ernie, in spite of Rizzo’s warning, would bust in at the last minute and kick everyone’s ass
d) Sabasan would give sage-like advice and spout off an ancient aphorism summarizing the whole episode
e) Everyone would hug

TV shows suck these days, especially primetime TV shows. They want you to think and watch every episode. The decline of modern suck-TV started with X-Files, quite possibly the worst series every created. SideKicks was awesome, and like all other great TV shows you could watch just one episode and be satisfied, not hopelessly lost in an absurdly complex story line, for example '24', or shall I say 20-Bore. SideKicks is one of the greats, you best believe it.



historical note:
Before things were ‘X-treme’, as they are now (Mountain Dew, X-treme Sports, X-treme Wrestling, X-treme Makeover, X-treme Jell-O), things were ‘Electric’ (The Electric Company, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Electric Banana, Electric Slide, Last Electric Knight)

A winner is Metal Gear

http://videos.somethingawful.com/mega64/mgs.mpg

Real Metal Gear. Solid.

Didn't everyone know that Konami and Ultra were the same company? Or was that some big cover up?

A winner is Paperboy

real paperboy
http://www.mega64.com/paperboy.mpg

MonoBrah

Bruce Lee is a God

YES!! Even well after death, Bruce Lee is all-powerful. Yea, click unto thy image.



In addition to clicking the above image, you can also click here for a neato Bruce Lee simulacron.

This Week's Mono Bro

There's a site dedicated to the monobrow. Also know as the uni-brow. They have a Mono Bro of the week. Click the picture to visit. Good times. Weeks 46 and 29 are my favorites. Also check out the Super Greg Game while you're there.


Note the 99X signage in the background. I don't know how many 99Xs there are in this great land, but there's a chance this week's Mono Bro is an ATLien.

Faceoff is the Worst Movie Ever

Every once in a while a movie, such as Faceoff, will suck so hard that all other crappy movies will cease to suck. Don’t see Faceoff, ever. If you haven’t seen it and want to know what it’s like, imagine some fat guy with diarrhea so violent and explosive that chunks of the diarrhea splashes back up on his leg and then drips back down into the toilet, so for a few moments he has little diarrhea stalactites stuck to his leg. That’s what Faceoff is like, diarrhea stalactites stuck to some fat guys leg. If you ever have the urge to rent this movie from Blockbuster do this instead. Give the $4.50 to some homeless guy and beat your head against a tree for the next two hours. Trust me, you will be much better off in the end. All other movies ever made are better than Faceoff. Period. Any loser, pimple-faced film student thinking of making some stupid indie film about his shitty hometown can rest assured that at least their movie, although it will suck, will not be as bad as Faceoff.
This is one of the horrible movies John Travolta starred in during his supposed comeback, if he was indeed in the comeback phase of his career it ended the day he agreed to star in Faceoff. Nicolas Cage, what a homo. He needs to ask his agent why he is such a complete failure and total asshole. I actually liked Cage before he became an ass-clown and disgraced all of mankind by starring in this worthless pile of garbage. I was surprised to learn that a person, not a Hollywood robot programmed to direct shitty movies, directed this film. John Woo happened to be the shit-monger they brought in to “direct” Faceoff. The name ‘Woo’ is obviously Chinese for “the chosen one who directs turd-scented movies”. It's no coincidence that Woo also directed Broken Arrow, the second worst movie ever, also starring the fat, mongoloid John Travolta. I can’t believe I have already wasted so much time and energy writing about this blackhole of a movie. I could try to mention something about the plot, but I’m not going to.
By the way, if a friend of yours ever tells you this movie is good, he just became your worst enemy.