Legal Obligation 2.0

Legal Obligation

I think I'm required by law to post this picture.

By Any Means Necessary 2.0

The Legacy of Mer-Man

Before he was an Evil Warrior who ruled the oceans of Eternia, Mer-Man was a reclusive, sea-dweller with a kind heart and gentle disposition. Little is known about Mer-Man before he joined the evil ranks of Skeletor and his minions, but his story is one of betrayal and deceit.

Mer-Boy grew up an only child in the Sea of Rakash. He spent much of his childhood maintaining very little contact with other members of his species. His father, an alcoholic, was cruel and abusive towards his son. Mer-Boy had a keen interest in science and was always reading books and writing stories about make-believe lands. His father found these qualities unsavory and would often ridicule and insult his son because of it. To make matters worse, his father had another family he kept hidden in the Ocean of Gnarl. When Mer-Boy was 13 his father left them completely to live with his other family. After his father left, Mer-Boy and his mother were able to live a somewhat quiet, normal life with only an occasional visit from his drunken maniac father.

At the age of 16, Mer-Boy ran away to the Sea of Harmony, seeking a new start. However, he was not satisfied by the immediate prospects. After a few months, while working at a sea-weed farm Mer-Boy was introduced to King Randor by the owner of the farm. King Randor immediately took a liking to Mer-Boy and was impressed with his knowledge of science and marine biology. Given that Eternia was a feudal society and prospects for different careers were bleak, Mer-Boy was delighted when the king offered him an apprenticeship on his counsel. Young Prince Adam, the king's son, was jealous of Mer-Boy and the amount of time he spent with his father. This jealousy drove Prince Adam to devise a plot to frame Mer-Boy. With aquatics as his specialty, Mer-Boy had access to the plumbing system blueprints for the Palace of Eternia. Using this fact to his advantage, under the veil of darkness Prince Adam stole the blueprints and hid them, along with a large container of poison in Mer-Boy’s living quarters. The next day Prince Adam mentioned to Duncan, Mer-Boy’s master, that he over-heard Mer-Boy talking quietly about some nefarious plan to harm many people in the palace. Duncan, doubtful at first, agreed to search Mer-Boy’s living quarters and was very surprised to find the blueprints and poison. Mer-Boy faced immediate execution, but the king took pity on the poor boy and exiled him to the murky waters near the Dunes of Doom.

Bitter and enraged, Mer-Boy, now going by the name Mer-Man, spent the next few years fighting for his life off the coast of the Dunes of Doom. While looking for food one day, Mer-Man ran into two gentlemen known as Beast-Man and Fisto. They explained to Mer-Man that they worked for an evil warlord named Skeletor and that he was looking to hire a few new people. Interested, Mer-Man accompanied Fisto and Beast-Man back to Snake Mountain, Skeletor’s evil palace. Skeletor quickly recognized the need for an ugly sea-creature on his staff and appointed him as an official Evil Warrior and ruler of the seas. Not long after Mer-Man started his new job he became involved in a nasty sexual harassment case. The details of the case are vague, but supposedly Fisto used his excessively large hand to "touch" Mer-Man while he was sleeping. While this is disgusting even for evil doers, some good did come out of it. During the trial Fisto was exposed as a traitor and defected to work for He-Man, Skeletor’s sworn enemy.

Mer-Man had a successful career working for Skeletor and many interesting assignments. Hustler, stalker, swindler, pimp, hit-man, drug dealer, bouncer, racketeer, junior warlord, burglar, get-away driver, smuggler, baller, thug, arms dealer, loan shark and bookie, Mer-Man has done it all. Sources say he is now retired and living in Long Beach, CA.

Brahian Wookers

Crack Wars

Here is the equation for crack use taken from this serious academic paper written about the proliferation of crack cocaine in America. I have always viewed crack and crack use as somewhat comical, probably due to the extreme nature of the drug and it’s effects. Also suburban white kids in the 80's and 90's never really had the means or the wherewithal to score any rock. Here is a link to some pretty serious debating about gangs, crack wars and general crack use.

Don't Vote for Pedro

Chinese woman murders fiancé over videogames

And you thought you had it bad…
By Aaron McKenna: Monday 12 September 2005, 12:18

A CHINESE woman has been charged with the murder of her fiancé for spending "too much time playing online games."
On August 6th the young woman murdered her jobless fiancé as he was spending too much time playing online videogames and not enough searching for a job in order to pay for the couples wedding, according to Action Trip.
This comes on the heels of the Chinese government’s attempts to curb online videogaming by placing a cap on the amount of time which players can spend on MMORPGs. While their restrictions may be a tad harsh we would say that considering the increasing number of crimes related to MMORPGs, including several murders, operators of the games should perhaps take it upon themselves to monitor players for excessive play.

Don't Let This Happen to You

Call to Arms

Normally small children don't meet the stringent criteria to qualify as ninjas, especially suburban white kids with no known Asian heritage, but occasionally exceptions will arise. This kid lives down the street from me; his parents figured he could generate some supplemental income for the family if he started providing security for the neighborhood. My neighborhood association is a well-run organization with clear guidelines for the appropriation of funds, so a vote was necessary. As a member of the neighborhood counsel I was present when the "ninja protection" proposal was put forth to the counsel, needless to say we were all extremely incredulous. We immediately decided to form a committee to investigate the need for a ninja on the neighborhood payroll. At first the ability to enter a castle by means of stealth, launching a surprise attack on the inhabitants, becoming invisible, turning into animals, jumping over buildings, and the ability to fly didn’t seem very important, but after careful consideration we approved the proposal and hired the kid. It’s worth noting that the decision was also sparked by a sudden increase in pillaging and Samurai attacks in the community. Six months later the crime rate is down and we all feel much safer in our homes. Remember to never underestimate the power of a 6-year-old ninja.

Wooktor

I often imagine a harmonious, utopian existence where groders and brahs can work and live side-by-side, away from haters, busters, marks and mark-ass busters and punk-ass bitches. I may never live to see my dream come to fruition, but this picture is a glimpse of what it would be like.

Originally this blog was a tribute to Wook #17 AKA The Brah. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of this blog to see what I'm talking about. To fully grasp and understand what it is all about you must start at http://passedoutwookies.com/ and then make your way over to The official Wook #17 picture thread. Have fun, but be warned, what you are about to see could change your life.

Mark D.

Thanks again to Seanbaby.com for providing much hilarity.

This guy is a real tool, read all about Mark Discordia and his adventures here at Seanbaby.com.

Pay special attention to the fact that the first game Mark mentions is Deadly Towers, widely viewed as the worst game ever.

At da Beach

Werd!

Legends

What?!?

Wow, I don’t even know where to start with this one.

First of all is that Hulk Hogan or Man-at-Arms gay stunt-double?

Who really wins here? Not any 10-year-old kid trying to play kick-ass Nintendo games and then his dad buys him this crap and tells him its better than Pro Wrestling and Data East Tag Team Wrestling. WWF© Wrestlemania™ sucked hard, even Tecmo World Wrestling was better.
Acc-lame is not winning anything by selling unsuspecting youths (parents) not only one, but two crappy games. Did any one even have the VCR WWF© Wrestlemania™ Game™? Board game action plus WWF© video excitment. Total crap.

Note: WWF lost the WWF trademark to the World Wildlife Fund and is now known as WWE©™

cats